


Crack Fairy Tale

by SuperRedRobin (SweetFanfics)



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 06:25:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/SuperRedRobin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon time, in a land far far away, there lived a pretty princess. Except, he wasn’t a princess at all! (Warnings: occ, crack, general idiocy, don't take this fic seriously, humor)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crack Fairy Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Rain asked for a fairy tale. I recalled that Princess Tim and Prince Kon art by Abby. I wrote the rest without really thinking a lot.

_Once upon time, in a land far far away,_ there lived a pretty princess. Except, he wasn’t a princess at all! Prince Tim was forced to live as Princess Timara because of the threat of the evil mage-slash-chemist known as the Joker.

  
  
When Prince Tim had been born, King Bruce (Ruler of Gotham) and Queen Dick (Prince of Elves) had been pleased as punch. They had coo-ed and cuddled the newly born prince (well, Dick had, Bruce just stayed kinda stiff but hey, he smiled!) but their happiness was short lived! The Joker had always found the Bat family to be especially irritating (‘Especially that Bruce!’) so when he found out that the irritating Batfamily just became +1, the Joker had declared his intentions to ‘get rid of the Bat brat!’  
  


Scared for the life of their newly born son, they contacted the Titan faeries for their help! They agreed to take the infant far away to their Titan Tower in _The Enchanted Forest_ and to dress him up in pretty, frilly dresses so that no one would be suspicious! And it would just be so much fun seeing such a cute baby in those dresses  <3  
  


Many many years passed filled with frills, arguing over skirt length, chafing underwear and enchanted birds tugging at all manners of ribbons and Prince Tim grew from adorable chubbiness to a handsome lad who looked _great_ in a corset and flared skirt. One day, (a few weeks before his eighteenth birthday) Donna and Kory had shooed him out of the house asking him to gather as many blackberries as he could (Because it was Gar’s birthday and he _loved_ blackberry pie) and being the obedient lad he was, he left with a basket under his arm.  
  


He was well into his task, basket half filled when a tall figure emerged from a nearby bush! Tim stared in surprise at the tall, dark haired, blue eyed man who was staring back at him with the same bewilderment! No mortal man could enter into _The Enchanted Forest_ so what was this man doing here?  
  


Prince Kon-el stared in surprise at the attractive figure before him before taking in all the details and he frowned.  
  


“Dude, why are you wearing a skirt?”  
  


Appalled at the gal of the stranger, Tim whirled his basket around and smacked the (attractive!) man over the head and stormed away. The attack didn’t hurt as much as shock Kon as he fell back on his rear and stared at Tim’s retreating back and thought, “Holy crap, I think I’m in love.” A tad distracted, he plucked a stray berry out of his dark hair and popped it into his mouth. “Oh hey these are DELICIOUS.”  
  


Prince Tim huffed, pouting and grumbled his way back and half-way back realized that he had lost most of his prize when he had whacked the (handsome!) stranger on the head. He stared at the basket and pouted. He didn’t want to go back to the clearing where the (good looking!) stranger had been rude to him….that (dashing!) cad could still be there….but the best blackberry bushes were there…and Gar would be disappointed if he didn’t get his pie…then he’d totally turn into a puppy and give him ACTUAL puppy dog eyes….DAMMIT.  
  
  
  
Huffing, pouting and grumbling, Prince Tim made his way back to the clearing, half hoping that the (sexy!) stranger would not be there. He was surprised to find that the prince had actually taken his cape off and was busy carefully plucking blackberries off the bushes! “Excuse me!” Tim took a small measure of pleasure as the (alluring!) man jumped at his voice and turned to look at him, “Those are my berries!”  
  
  
  
Now if you were to ask either of them what was said next…they wouldn’t really remember because frankly, they had been too distracted to pay attention to words. Kon had been taken aback by the spark in those deep blue eyes and the heat in that low voice and Tim….was just distracted by the tights. oh helloooo~  
  
  
  
But the overall gist of the conversation (which included introductions) was that Kon felt guilty about making Tim spill half of his berries and was collecting more for him. Tim thanked him for his efforts and knelt down. He began to scoop up the berries, transferring them from the cape to his basket as fast as he could without looking at the (GORGEOUS!) man smiling at him and helping him.  
  
  
  
Tim forced himself to just stared at the berries lying innocently on the cape and not at the (bright! stunning!) smile that was directed at him. He didn’t blush no, not at all! He was simply flushed from the exertion of running away and coming back. Yep. He kept telling himself that and didn’t notice that Prince Kon had wound up within his personal bubble undetected! Which was why he jumped when both their hands closed over the same batch of berries.  
  
  
  
Kon stared into the flushed startled face and said, “Screw it” and leaned in to kiss Tim. Tim’s brain promptly sparked and died on him and his body entered into emergency protocols and took over control. He returned the hesitant pressure on his lips and found himself being pulled down on the cape.  
  
  
  
One heavenly make out session later, Tim was groaning at the stains on his skirt (blackberry stains were a bitch to clean out) but Kon just grinned unrepentantly and kissed Tim again to shut him up. Another make out session later had Kon bitching bout blackberry mush in his hair and Tim scrambling to adjust his blouse while making a grab for his now full-basket.  
  
  
  
Before he could take another step, Kon took hold of his hand and asked to meet Tim again tomorrow. Tim frowned at him, he wondering aloud that he wasn’t sure if Kon could come back into The Enchanted Forest.  
  
  
  
“Oh that’s not really a problem. My dad is the King of Faeries. Y’ know…Kal-el?” “Oh. That explains how you were able to get in so easily.” “Yeah, my other dad always has to go through customs and all before coming in, it’s a real pain.” Tim blinked in confusion, “Other dad?” “Yeah, my other dad is a human. Lex Luthor. He’s a pretty big nobleman in the city on the other side of the forest.” “Ah.” “Yeah…its kinda complicated but hey, I get to have really cool powers because of it!”  
  
  
  
Explanations complete, demonstration of TTK performed and a promise made to meet again, the young and new lovers(!!!!) parted ways. Kon was literally floating as he made his way back and Tim had to stop himself from skipping…though he did give into the urge to sing with the blue birds of happiness. Which was how Gar happened to come across him. Gar could blink in stupefied silence as he watched the young prince come to an abrupt halt, turn red and walk the rest of the way with as much dignity as he could muster.  
  
  
  
Gar was ready to brush the whole thing off as another ‘accidentally ate a shroom’ incident but then they came home and Kory hugged Tim as she accepted the basket from him. But the berries were promptly forgotten when she spied a dark bruise on his neck. Her surprised and delighted exclamation brought the other Titans into the kitchen and they all pressed Tim for the details.  
  
  
  
After much poking and prodding and blushing and teasing, Tim stammered out that he met Prince Kon-el while collecting the berries. The resulting squee make the ceiling crack slightly and a fine shower of dust fall on the small party’s head. Tim was confused at the ecstatic reaction (and even more at the money which was exchanging hands) but then Donna took him aside, saying that it was time knew about his past.  
  
  
  
She sat him down and explained that he was a Prince of Gotham and that he had actually been betrothed to Kon-el soon after his birth. Apparently his father and the King of Faeries were best friends or something and had made their agreement when their wives/husbands had been expecting. She also explained how the Joker was after his life so that’s why Queen Dick had asked them to raise Tim out here in The Enchanted Forest. That’s why they never allowed any clowns on any of the birthdays.  
  
  
Explanation complete, Donna slapped a hand on Tim’s shoulder and blessed the couple. And then asked Kory to come in and give him the complete safe sex talk. Tim attempted five escape attempts (the first when he realized what he was in for, the second when Kory started explaining about the prostate, the third when she started to explain in great detail about different lubes and which one was BEST for the first time, the fourth when she was explaining enemas and the fifth when she asked him if he knew what pleased him) but was dragged back every time.  
  
  
  
The next day, Prince Kon found a severely traumatized Prince Tim curled up underneath the hedges as he muttered away to himself about evil sex faeries. Confused yet worried, Kon hugged Prince Tim until he felt better enough to talk about what happened.  
  
  
  
At the same moment, the Joker got tired of hanging around his lab-slash-lair and put on his best ruby slippers (recently stolen from a nearby Witch) and went for a walk in The Enchanted Forest. Now if this was a week ago, he wouldn’t have been able to get into the forest but thanks to the MAGIC slippers, he could now enter into the MAGIC forest. He was considered the possibility of becoming a mage-slash-fairy-chemist when he overheard some voices.  
  
  
  
He tip toed over to a bush laden with black berries (and my weren’t they delicious!) and dropped some eaves on the conversation taking place. “You see, actually I’m Prince Timothy of Gotham. And we’re engaged.”  
  
  
 **  
“YOU WHAT?”**  
  
  
 **  
**Tim jumped in surprised when he heard a voice from behind repeat the same words that Kon had yelped out and immediately grabbed his basket and smacked the pale face which had popped out from amongst the bushes.  
  
  
  
Kon’s shock turned into amusement as he watched Tim smack the face another time for good measure. “You’re a menace with that basket, seriously.” After pressing a kiss to Tim’s forehead, he poked at the unconscious figure with his sword and jumped back in surprise when he recognized the figure! “Dude, you just knocked out The Joker!”  
  
  
  
Tim looked down in surprise at the figure in front of him, “Funny…I thought he’d be more funnier looking… . what are you doing?” Tim stared in confusion as Kon pulled out a horn from his belt. “Calling for some back up to deal with this guy.” and then as an afterthought, “Duh.”  
  
  
  
And he blew a mighty breath in the horn, a low sweet sound poured out of the other end. In a short while, not only were they surrounded by a number of forest creatures but also faeries and even the Titans! The Titans were especially surprised to find out that Tim had managed to defeat The Joker by delivering an almighty blow to the head with a basket.  
  
  
  
Relieved that the threat was over, they decided that the time had come for Tim to be a boy and to go back home and live the rest of life near his family. So after a quick change of clothes, Tim was dressed like a prince (and he found the tights extremely uncomfortable and tight!), complete with his own cape and made his way back to Gotham along with the Titans.  
  
  
  
Kory had gone on ahead to inform the King and Queen of what had happened and to make sure that they were ready to greet their son. The Queen was beyond ecstatic and would have turned a few cartwheels but she was pregnant so that was completely out of the question (as was proven by the knowing glance sent his way by his husband).  
  
  
  
So when Tim arrived back home, the capital was ready to greet their Prince back home and it was a grand celebration with much weeping (from the Queen’s side) and small smiles (from the King) involved. Tim was glad to get to know his mother and father but was frankly looking forward to someone else.  
  
  
  
After a week, dignitaries from surrounding nations came to congratulate King Bruce and Queen Dick and welcome back Prince Tim. Tim was having a hard time trying not to fidget in his seat at the wedgie the tights were giving him but he forgot all about the uncomfortable feeling when a voice announced the presence of the Faery King. Bruce stood up to greet the man, shaking his hand firmly as Tim also stood up to greet the man. Tim’s eyes darted past the imposing blue and red figure to meet familiar glowing blue eyes.  
  
  
  
Demurely, he lowered his gaze and greeted Kal-el when prompted and spent the rest of the conversation trying not to smile at the gentle brushes of TTK against his person.  
  
  
  
“Timothy.”  
  
  
  
Tim was startled out of the pleasant haze at the sound of his father’s voice. “Yes father?”  
  
  
  
Bruce gestured for him to stand closer to him as he spoke, “Before you were born, King Kal-el and I agreed that our next born would be married to each other. This is his son, Prince Kon-el, your fiance.”  
  
  
  
The corner of his lips turned up in a small smile, “Pleased to make your acquaintance Prince Kon.”  
  
  
  
Kon’s answering grin was amused and pleased as he replied, “And yours Prince Tim.”  
  
  
  
Dick stared at the two and waves a finger between them, “Are we missing something here?”  
  
  
  
Kon chuckled slightly, “We’ve already met Your Majesty. In the forest.”  
  
  
  
Dick exchanged surprised looks with Bruce and Kal-el. “Oh?”  
  
  
  
Kon’s eyes sparkled with mirth as he explained, “It was love at first whack of the basket to the head”  
  
  
  
And then it was decided that they would get married two weeks later on Tim’s birthday and a great many preparations were made for the grand wedding. Prince Jason came over with his wives (Stephanie and Cassandra) and teased his younger brother greatly. Queen Dick’s was caught up in preparing for ‘precious baby’s!’ big day and her mood kept rotating between coddling Tim, crying on his shoulder and panicking over the wedding preparations.  
  
  
  
But soon enough the big day came and Tim looked beautiful in the white wedding dress and Kon looked dashing riding up the streets of the Capital in his white formal wear. The ceremony was short and heart felt and the party that followed went on for a full week. The couple however retired to their private chambers for their own private week long party and boy, it was QUITE the party.  
  
  
  
The pair decided that they wanted to live on their own in a nearby manor and soon moved into the establishment. Tim had put his foot down saying that he wanted nothing elaborate. Forty bedrooms, dining hall…it really was a honeymoon cottage. Kon was pleased because it meant so many rooms to christen the good ole fashioned naked way.  
  
  
  
And they spent the rest of their days having gloriously hot sex because, hello, TTK. Queen Richard gave birth to another baby boy (which Tim personally referred to as ‘Little Hellion’) and soon afterwards, Tim was pregnant as well and after long, happy months, Tim and Kon were the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. And they named her Elizabeth and they raised her in a home filled with love and apple pies. Eventually she had siblings (Jack, Anne and William) and they all got along fabulously.  
  
  
  
And Tim and Kon lived happily ever after with their precious family.  
  
  
  
 **The End.**


End file.
